so much has been going on since i last wrote. obviously because i havent been on since like february or something. so, here's a little bit of an update...

-i'm leaving for LONDON in a week and a half and will be back on december 19th! and i am rather scared. but ridiculously excited
-i just got my hair cut today for the first time in like six months, and the time before i only got it trimmed. my hair is quite short now. =)
-i managed to not acquire a job this summer, which totally sucks because now i have no money for traveling in europe or even in the UK once i get there.
-went to falcon ridge with talia, tal, and leslie, and it was awesome! met some awesome new friends! was called a 'super fan' by joe iadanza (awesome performer) because i knew so many people from so many bands, but really it was just the berklee crew, and some i knew, and some i had only just met.
-went to NEFFA all by myself. hung out with lots of awesome people, but spent a lot of time wandering and floating between people. and it was a really great experience.
-went to rites of spring and felt out of place. put up a big scene one night where everyone thought i was going to die (although i was far from it).
-i was put on anti-depressants (i can't remember if i already posted about this, but i feel that it is important to mention), but i can never remember to take them. i seem to be doing fine without them, right up to the dizziness and nausea that comes from the lack of the drug in my system. but my mom and doctor want me to stay on them for cautionary reasons, which is understandable.
-i spilled water on my brand new macbook, and it has been out of order since like early may (?), but it feel like forever. i am finally getting the piece i need to hook it up to an external monitor, but the wrong piece was ordered. so i have to go find the $30 one and return the $20 one. suck.
-my dell has been in and out of service, but is currently in working order (or else i wouldn't be typing this)!
-i have been a contra dancing FIEND, and have introduced both morgan and jess.
-mom and her friend walter stared dating, and it's one of the best things to happen to our family (and yes, mom, i really mean it) =)
-morgan and i are no longer friends for many reason, none to be disclosed here. things were rocky with dylan, but we're okay now. nothing has been talked about, but i feel like its one of those forgive and forget circumstances. perhaps we'll talk about it some day, but not now.
-started hanging out more with eric, met some of his friends, loved the time we spent together, and managed to screwed myself over in the span of like two weeks. meh. maybe things will shift when i come back from london, and maybe not. whatever.
-one of the people i met at falcon ridge was trevor smith. he played as a sidey at one of anthony da costa's shows, and afterwards i spent a few hours hanging out with them. and now i will be in anthony's folk singer documentary that he was recording for columbia
-my mom and walter finally got internet and cable for the house!

this is all i can really think of for now. i'm hoping to start writing again. hopefully this journal will come back to use and be less of a virtual dust collector. g'night for now. =)

i need a new compotition notebook quick!
while i still have the urge to write!

Meghan's brother died in an explosion yesterday in Iraq.
His name is Jonathan (I believe).
I never met him, but my heart goes out to Meghan.
I'm trying to be there for her, but I've never lost anyone as close as a sibling.
I told her that I'm there if she needs anything, and, I guess, it's really all I can offer at this time.

='[

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
According to expert gerontologists, Rolling Stones' guitarist Keith Richards (a Sagittarius) should have passed on to the next world a decade ago. The man has abused his body so thoroughly, his continued survival is a mystery. You're currently in an excellent position to achieve equally stupendous feats of persistence yourself, Sagittarius. More than ever before, you have a dogged capacity to keep pushing -- even in areas where you've been flighty or sketchy in the past. I'd say this is an excellent time to deepen your commitment to your dreams in very practical ways.

i am so full of anger right now.
its making my stomach flip-flop and churn in uncomfortable ways.
i want to lash out, break something, hurt someone.
but that would only make it worse, which i don't want to do.
i don't know what to do with myself.

AIM IM with nauseousmullah1/6/09 11:13 AM

Q: What did the slope say to the ass goblin? A: "hey Sleepneat yo momma in da lunch serves da cheezeburga" SHAKE YA FAT ASS D: D: D:

UnslippingCoho (11:10 AM): I hope your day is wonderfully amazing, just like you!

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Let's say that on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus hopes to deliver toys to every child who believes in him. Thanks to the fact that his distribution area stretches over many time zones, he'll have at least 24 hours to accomplish this feat. Still, that means he's got to visit approximately a thousand homes per second. I don't know what astrological sign Santa is, but if he's a Sagittarius he'll have the highest possible chance at success. Beginning any day now, and lasting throughout 2009, your tribe will have the potential to move faster, think quicker, and multi-task better than every other tribe. If I were going to give you a symbolic holiday gift, it would be greased lightning. Happy Holy Daze!



i like this one. =]
i'm excited for my birthday on sunday
i'm excited for the revels on sunday night
i'm excited to sing up the sun on sunday morning
i'm excited for christmas caroling for the tone deaf tomorrow night
i'm excited that i am all done with the semester minus one essay due january 5
I'M EXCITED THAT IT IS ALMOST CHRISTMAS. i love christmas.

my knee hurts. fell on the ice this morning. really hard. worst pain in my life. i fell at about 7am, and now at 10:30 it still hurts. not as bad, but still a lot. its also still swollen, but not as red. BUT this means that i cannot go christmas caroling AGAIN this year b/c i can only hobble and gimp along. bad idea to try and walk around. but i couldn't go last year EITHER because i was deliriously sick. i was all excited that i wasnt sick this weekend, but noOo. i had to go, fall and bust up my knee. wtf? X]

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
There are 300,000 surveillance cameras set up all over the city of Beijing, spying constantly on its citizens. London, a supposed bastion of democracy, has 500,000 such cameras. I highly recommend you don't visit either place in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. It's crucial for you to avoid influences that make you feel self-conscious or guilty. You've got to hang out in spots where you're not being watched, scrutinized, and evaluated. While you're at it, you might also want to tell your Inner Critic to shut the hell up. You need wide-open, judgment-free spaces, both without and within.

GAH!!!

i've been beating myself up about this! i feel horrible, but i'm not the only one to blame! its not all my fault.

so why after all of this when i ask if we can talk it out all you have to say is, "I don't know, Holly. I don't know what there is to say about it."

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?! IT'S NOT ALL MY FAULT AND I'M TIRED OF FEELING LIKE SHIT. HOW CAN YOU SAY THERE IS NOTHING TO SAY WHEN VERY OBVIOUSLY I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY? DO I MEAN THAT LITTLE TO YOU? WAS YOUR TALK OF YOU'D DO ANYTHING FOR ME BECAUSE THAT IS THE KIND OF FRIEND YOU ARE TOTAL SHIT?

because that's what it feels like...


That's What You Get - Paramore
No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, to take a seat we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?

I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa..
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.

Pain, make your way to me. (to me)
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start... Start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

"PsychopathicCoho12/5/08 4:14 PM: Help me! I'm afraid of my own shadow. :( How do I go about conquering it?"

just bought myself a new CD: Garden Ruin by Calexico. i LOVE it, but it is totally different than what i usually buy/listen to.
bought some christmas presents today. =] really excited for some of them!
also had the meeting with Claire O'Brien about studying in London. i think we'll look outwards a little bit more, perhaps edinburgh, leeds, westminster, sunderland, roehampton, and many others. i've been studying the brochures and looking into them thoroughly. i feel like i'm holding my breath and i won't let it out until i am on that plane headed over... ohman.

so, i was thinking about falcon ridge and anthony da costa [mainly because i was surfing the FSC 2011 facebook class list and came across this girl who i've talked to in the bookstore before who happens to know anthony] and realized that i never posted the message he'd sent me. mostly because i've seen him a few times since then, but i like to keep track of what i do, and who i talk to.( Read more... )


so, and then i sent a message to the girl at FSC who knows him and it went like this:( Read more... )


plus, meg and i couldnt stop laughing all day today. so yeah, laughing cramps, the good ones... =]

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
I got an invitation through MySpace to audition for an upcoming production of the "Vagina Monologues." While I was honored to be asked, I wasn't sure that the kind of audience members who would come to see the "Vagina Monologues" would want to hear me, a man, expound on the central topic. Upon reading the fine print, however, I found out that the producers were indeed seeking some male actors. The metaphorical moral of the story, Sagittarius, is to be open to invitations, opportunities, and requests that may at first seem odd, misdirected, or irrelevant.

oh man.
             oh man.
                          oh man.

i might be going slightly insane. i didnt evne do all my homework last night, which consisted of reading a 156 page book for today and finishing another novel for my very next class...
too much to do:

• solo performance in my voice class today
• 5-7 page research paper due tomorrow
• some paperwork for the meeting with the director of the study abroad programs due friday
• chorus concert on monday
• assignement on thunderstorms due tuesday
• 5 of a 10 page paper for wednesday
• project due next week including 4 short (2 page) papers, and a simulation presentation on russia
• the rest of the 10+ paper due by monday
• finals are the 15th - 18th

plus my weekends are full of:

• christmas tree getting/decorating - 12/6
• hanging with Matthew - 12/6
• nameless coffeehouse - 12/6
• cambridge yule circle - 12/7
• northampton yule circle - 12/14
• christmas caroling for the tone deaf - 12/20
• welcoming the sun rise - 12/21
• MY BIRTHDAY - 12/21
• Christmas Revels - 12/21
• AND studying for finals in there somewhere

plus my dad emailed me with a request of him taking me out to dinner... GAH! yeah, right, let me just drop everything i'm so very carefully balancing so that you can be happy... nope, not going to happen

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
There's a new source of abundance available for you to tap into, Sagittarius. It won't necessarily come in the form of a pile of cash or an influx of hot suitors or an upgrade in your social status. I mean those things are possible, but I'd rather concentrate on identifying the plenitude that's more likely to occur: increased energy. Your health is likely to be at its peak, and so will your generosity of spirit. Your senses will bring you a wealth of fresh perceptions, and your love of life will expand and intensify. And who knows? This enhanced vigor might help you corral a pile of cash or hot suitors or an upgrade of social status.

MoonlightingCoho11/25/08 10:21 AM
¡ ɐɯɐqo ʞɔɐɹɐq

got home wicked late last night... it turned out to not be just me and Matthew, but also Jenna, and then we had to drive Eric home, too. so the trip that was supposed to be from concord to fitchburg and then back, turned into concord to cambridge, to watertown/NEWTON (b/c we got lost trying to find our way back to route 2, to fitchburg. then matthew had to drive Jenna to Billerica then drive himself home to Newton. i thought by leaving by 10 from concord, i'd get home between 11-11:30. noope! didnt get home til something like 12:20... BAHH!!! it was a great time, but i slept a long way, too. and now i'm sucking down a diet coke and trying to stay awake. i hit the snooze button on my phone (only puts it off for 5 mins) 6 or 7 times. and finally got out of bed at 7:35. murrrr..... and then i stood in the shower trying to wake up for like an extra 10 mins.

...and its rainy and disgusting, and though meg gave me a ride this morning, i'll have to walk home. at like 3:30. in the rain. and its yucky... and. and. and. uuuuuuhhhhhnnnghhh....

skipping my class tomorrow. i just can't muster up and kind of motivation to get there. but i think i might just stay in fitchburg until tomorrow... it depends.

i need a cuddlehug... =[

i trying to decide if i am looking forward to tonight at all. i mean i love contra dancing, but i'm really tired and not really looking to move around a lot. i kind of just want to curl up and sleep. or maybe not even sleep, just curl up and let my mind wander. wander where it will and just not worry about what i am thinking about. i like to let my mind run wild with imagination, especially when i know there is something coming up that could end up in so many ways. i like to mentally explore all possibilities, good, bad, ugly... it helps me to prepare for what may lie ahead. especially if i am required to come up with most of the conversation. heh.

not looking forward to taking the train. just too much timing and things to think about.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
In her book One Continuous Mistake, Gail Sher provides excellent advice for people who want to be writers. I'm offering it to you for your all-purpose use as you enter the Reinvent Yourself phase of your astrological cycle. The drive for perfection can be a distraction, Sher says. What's more useful is to be brave and free enough to experiment with possibilities that may or may not pan out. Don't think yourself into a corner, agonizing about where to begin. Simply dive in and get to work, trusting that the agitation you churn up will show you what works. Exult in the revelations provided by the trial-and-error approach! "We learn nothing from our successes," writes Sher, "which prescribe business-as-usual. We learn everything from our mistakes, which require us to analyze where we went wrong and invent fresh strategies."

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
In his book Signs of Success, astrologer Steven Weiss says "The question 'Do you believe in astrology?' is like asking someone if they believe in art." I agree. Picture a no-nonsense physicist gazing at a Kandinsky painting, with its teeming blobs of mad color and exuberant shapes, and declaring it to be a superstitious eruption of delusion that's not based on a logical understanding of the world. Like Kandinsky's perspective, astrology at its best roots us in the poetic language of the soul, and isn't blindly submissive to the values of the rational ego. It's here to liberate our imaginations and encourage us to think less literally and to visualize our lives as mythic quests. I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, because right now it's crucial that you spend some quality time in modes of awareness akin to Kandinsky's and astrology's.